Watching Rachael Ray

Today’s post is a little later then usual - or it was really yesterday’s post that was today’s, posted really early! Either way, I’m here now! The show today was a rerun, and so I’d like to go back to one of the earlier shows this week.

Everyone who’s been online and read blogs for a while, will recognize the term that I used for the title - the Mommy Wars. It’s especially prevalent in the blogasphere with the term “Mommyblogger” having such a negative connotation. I’m a mom, I’m a blogger, and so I’ve heard it all too.

On Monday’s show, a woman guest told how she feels like a failure as a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and how she feels guilty for not being a natural at being at home with the kids and getting everything done that needs to be done, it’s hectic and she feels like she’s barking orders rather then spending quality time with her kids.

Honey, we all can relate. That’s the important thing to remember - we’re not alone! So many mom’s feel alone and like we should be doing everything with ease, and put on a good face outside, “I’m fine, everything’s great, I love my kids, my husband, we couldn’t be happier.” The problem is that sometimes, a lot of the times, inside it’s more of the “I haven’t showered for five days, and is it ok to feed the kids ketchup for dinner? It’s all they’ll eat anyway, and don’t even ask me how the potty training is going!”

In the end, we feel damned if we do, and damned if we don’t! Working mom’s want to be home, SAHMs want the ability to PEE by themselves! JUST ONCE! And both feel guilty for not being able to do it all. Then, we’re all somehow pitted against each other in a my way is the best way battle that accomplishes exactly nothing!

So what do we do? The authors, Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile, of I was a really good mom before I had kids. shared some real time suggestions of how to adjust and prioritize expectations.

Rachael asks, “What are real expectations that moms should be setting for themselves?” Trisha and Amy both agree that expectations are different for every mom, but all moms should do the following:

Reprioritize. “Recognize that your current expectations are completely out of whack,” says Trisha. “Learn to let some things go. Maybe P.T.A. isn’t going to work for your schedule this year, maybe you might have to miss a school play or two. What is important to you and what can you cut out for a few months, a year.”

Ignore. The mess, the laundry, the toys strewn about in the kid’s bedrooms or basement and use the time you would spend picking up after your kids to do something for yourself or to spend quality time with your kids. Amy and Trisha made a pact with each other to ignore the messes in each other’s house. “Other moms are going through the same thing,” says Trisha, “so they can be more forgiving of each other than you think.”

Ask. Amy believes one of the biggest challenges for moms today is that they don’t ask for help. “We see that as a weakness,” she says. “Even with our own husbands we don’t ask for help and that’s an important thing to do.”

Turn off. Both Trisha and Amy advise shutting off your phone for an hour or two a day (or just screening the calls). “The amount of time you spend fielding phone calls from moms looking for volunteers, telemarketers and others that drain you of valuable time,” warns Amy.

All moms feel they are the center of everything for their families and in turn, their kids come to them for everything. But Trisha and Amy want to remind moms that they need to start making peace and letting go of things they may not have time to do. Says Amy, “You’re not going to be able to do it all and you have to come to terms with that.”

The best part was the Pact that they mentioned some moms have, it’s the same thing I’ve always told my friends. My house is a mess! It’s going to be a mess! Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. If you want to see me, come anytime. If you want to see my house, give me 3 days notice.

As mom’s, as women, as dad’s, as men - we need to realize that under our smiles, we all have the same troubles. So talk about it, ask for help, and don’t feel guilty when you let go of some things and reprioritize your life.

And most of all - don’t judge other mommies for the things they need to do as well.

PS. how cute was Ty and Rachael together? They’re like two kids in a candy store, all bickering and giggling. Awesome.

Rachael, Ray, Rachael Ray, 30 minute meals, RR, TV, a day, Food Network, Everyday, SAHM, Stay at home moms, mommy wars, mommyblogger